Lyric analysis

The arctic Monkeys song "Teddy Picker" is a song critiquing the attitude of the music industry, and is unique in that sense, as it isnt about a typical love theme which most songs go for.

They've sped up to the point where they provoke      

The punch-line before they have told the joke                        

Plenty of desperation to be seen

Staring at the television screen.

Turner is criticising society in terms of the sense of the instant gratification attitude that exists with people who are hungry for fame, using the metaphor-"sped up to the point where they provoke the punchline before they have told the joke" they want to get he end result, i.e. the punchline, before they have actually put the effort in to get there, in the case, telling the actual joke. This is different to what the Arctic monkeys did, as they had to put out multiple albums to become as well known as they are today.

He is "staring at the television screen" at all the "Plenty of desperation" for fame. He could be taking about Programmes like the X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent, which exist for people to take their crack at fame, examples of successful artistes and bands who have succeeded this way include One Direction and Susan Boyle. This could also mean people are desperate to be seen on the TV. 
Ultimately a joke with the best part removed is no longer funny, and Turner is comparing this to the hunger for fame people have, perhaps that he success should be determined by hard work rather than being handed it by producers.

"They've sped up to the point where they provoke you 
To tell the fucking punch-line before you have told the joke

The repetition of this verse gets the point across about Turner's feelings towards the desperation of people, exaggerating the point he is putting across.

"Sorry, sunshine, it doesn't exist

It wasn't in the top 100 list." 

"sorry sunshine it doesn't exist, it wasn't in the top 100 list" refers to the fact that people don't often acknowledge the success of songs unless they are on a certain list, and essentially says people are being spoon fed their music instead of finding out good music themselves. This relates to the indie rock genre, which isn't mainstream music and will unliklely get in any of the "top 100 lists." And of course, music tastes is subjective, as some may be really into classical music, and another person think it's slow and boring.

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,

Don't be surprised when you get bent over,        

They told you, but you were dying for it.

Saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn't what it seemed

This line represents the fame that she grabbed wasn't "what it seemed" and could represent that fame is always seen in a positive light, without thinking about the extra responsibilities and stresses that it comes with, having less privacy etc.

The kids all dream of making it, whatever that means

Another variation on a theme 

Once again again the point is highlighted that fame isn't like what everyone thinks it is, "the kids all dream of making it, whatever that means" in quite a sarcastic way. "Another variation on a theme" suggests that overall, the music industry is unoriginal, and all the same, with no individualism, and again, it's arguable that the indie rock genre goes against this, as the songs are often unique, compared to pop songs which often have very similar chords, and a similar layout. 

A tangle on the television and a magazine

D'you reckon that they do it for a joke?

D'you reckon that they make 'em take an oath?
That says that we are defenders

Of any poser or professional pretender around

This section reiterates Turner's feelings on the music industry. Turner calls the music industry "defenders of any poser or professional pretender around," and asks if they "do it for a joke?" regarding the musical artists and celebrities on the tv. Turner can say this with Domino records, because independent record labels don't have lots of very famous artistes signed with them, and so calling the artistes "defenders of any poser or professional pretender around" wouldn't cause controversies with other artistes.

               

When did your list

Replace the twist and turn as a fist

Replaced the kiss?

Don't concern us with your bollocks

I don't want your prayer
Save it for the morning after

"save it for the morning after" is an intertextual link to the famous band, Duran Duran. This is a reference to their hit single, "save a prayer", with the verse "don't save a prayer for me now, save it for the morning after." 

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,

Don't be surprised when you get bent over,

They told you, but you were gagging for it

This represents the thousands of times where people have had failure when trying to become famous, and the fact that no one learns. 

Let's have a game on the teddy picker
Not quick enough, can I have it quicker?
Already thick, and you're getting thicker

Let's have a game on the teddy picker

Not quick enough, can I have it quicker?

Already thick, and you're getting thicker

A teddy picker is another name for a claw arcade machine, where you have a chance of getting a prize. Turner is using this a metaphor for the luck that exists in the success that some people, and that the next people to be famous are picked at random by conglomerates like Sony, Warner and Universal, in the fashion of a "teddy picker." He is also calling the people "thick" which shows the naivety that people have who only want to be famous.

Assuming that all things are equal?
Who'd want to be men of the people

When there's people like you?

In my music video I have decided to go to the amusements in Southend On Sea, 
and record a teddy machine, this would be an illustrative method, of the "lets have a game on the teddy picker" lines which is Alex Turners opinion on how the music industry operates,